I'm sorry . . . I'm sorry I hurt you . . . I'm sorry I said the wrong thing . . . I'm sorry for the things I have done . . . I'm sorry for the unkind words . . . I'm sorry for not understanding . . . I'm sorry for not supporting you . . . I'm so sorry . . .
I'm sorry . . . wouldn't it be wonderful if we never had a need to say those words ever again? Wouldn't it be incredible if as human beings we never fell short and had to try and make things right? Wouldn't the world be a better place if we always did, said, understood in the "perfect" way eliminating the need for making the apology necessary. Ahhhhhhhh, but we are human beings, beautifully flawed, broken, and forever destined to have to "own" our own messes by uttering the words I'm sorry to someone that we love and care for. So today, my act surrounds the apology, and I hope and pray the receivers will give the "gift of forgiveness."
A few days ago, my son Jordan, dropped a little bomb on his mama. Now, typically I am not the one that gets all wound up; however, this was one of those times when I said the wrong thing at the wrong time. Jordan is an incredibly gifted young man who is searching for his niche in life. He has been getting additional education and we all thought maybe he had found his passion. However, the winds shifted and he found himself restless and very uncertain. Almost always I can fly with him on the winds of change, but I found myself in an awkward place. As the conversation wained, I knew that I had hurt his feelings. I have already apologized, which he accepted. However, I wanted to take it one step further. A few months ago I found a book about sons. It embodies all of the sentiments that I feel about my little boy who is now a man. Today, I sent that book with an apology . . . I'm sorry . . .
I wish I had learned my lesson, but I did not. I said something that I know hurt one of my friends. Sometimes I am like a snowball gaining momentum as the snow is added and the ball of coldness becomes bigger and bigger. Usually, I can take a step back and intercept the snowball; however, my life and the emotional strain of it added speed, and the snowball hit its mark. WAIT, that was NOT what I wanted to have happen, but happen it did. I hurt her . . . deeply. I texted my apology . . . nothing. I called . . . nothing . . . I prayed . . .
Relationships can be fragile and we need to remember that. Sometimes the incredible stressors of the holidays and life in general can make us do or say things that we normally would not. Christ knew that we were flawed and broken and he gave us the AMAZING gift of forgiveness. One can apologize as often as necessary, but for us to receive the "GIFT" we must be forgiven. Forgiveness is difficult because it means that we have to let go of our past hurts . . . FORGIVENESS is a gift for both the giver and the receiver . . . forgiveness breathes life back into the relationship. Forgiveness is hard and painful as we kind of want to hold on to the pain so we do not get hurt again.
So, my prayer for all of you today is that you can utter the words I'm sorry in those relationships that are strained. Own the mess ups and pray for forgiveness. After all, one cross + 3 nails = 4 given. That's the only equation we need in this messed up world of beautifully flawed human beings.
Wishing You Gifts of Forgiveness,
Sheila
Sarah Day 13--
Reading mom's post for the day has really got me thinking. Not about the mistakes I have made, or the mistakes others have made. Not about the apologies I have never said, or the apologies that have never been said to me. It has instead got me thinking about all of the people I am thankful for, and the people I can't imagine my life without.
Part of growing up, is learning who you are as a person, and learning what you want for your life. As children and teenagers, we grow up KNOWING that our best friend from 5th grade will always be our best friend. Well, what do you know, 5 years later you're in 10th grade, and you and you're old best friend now have new best friends. Your values and interests have changed, and you have moved on.
I was that person growing up that had different best friends every couple of years. I didn't like that, and I didn't think it was fun. It was sad. I would rather have one best friend for my whole life and I envy the people who have that with someone, they are lucky! However, I accepted it. I have realized now that every time I made a new best friend, it was because our interests were similar. When my friendships fell apart, it was because we no longer had those similar interests. I would compare friendships, to relationships with significant others. A person does not stay with another person when they do not want the same thing. If one person is ready for marriage and the other is not, that's usually a deal breaker. Best friends do not stay best friends, when they no longer enjoy the same things. Growing up means changing, and that's not a bad thing . . . It's just difficult.
After high school, I had myself convinced that I did not need friends. I had Jesse and he was good enough. I do not take that statement back, he is good enough, but I still need my girls. Now that I have moved home, I have realized that having good friends is extremely important. Much more important than I have ever thought. I have re-connected with so many girls from high school, and we are now better friends than we have ever been before. Although, there is one particular friend of mine, that I have never been friends with until this year. Her name is Kate, or Sssssskate, as she calls herself.
Kate and I started working together around 2 months ago. She is one of the funniest people I have ever met. She and I are both convinced that she must have been black in her past life. We are really good at keeping each other entertained through our little chat messenger deal at work. I can't imagine not having her around, my job would be a little boring.
Yesterday, Kate was mad that the maintenance people took away her space heater. One thing you must know about Kate is that she is always cold! Our maintenance workers decided to take away the space heaters on first floor because they thought all of the heaters were causing the fuse to blow. They we wrong, even after the heaters were removed, the fuse still blew. Well obviously, Skate wanted her heater back, but nope. They were gone for good. RIP first floor space heaters.
Guilty me, felt bad that I was all snuggled up to my heater on the ground floor while Kate was freezing to death. For real, her world was ending. So this morning, I went to Walmart and picked up a desk size space heater for her. Surely, that will cause not cause the fuse to blow. I left the heater on her desk with a little note so when she got to work at 8:00 AM, it was on her desk. She loveeeeed it! Her exact word when she saw it, "DUDE!" Haha, glad I could "warm" up her day!
Friends seem to be something I am really thankful for, as I have said I am thankful for them before. I mean it though. This year has without a doubt, been the most difficult year of my life and I would not have made it through everything without them. Well actually, I probably would have, but it would have been much more challenging. I am a happier person now that I have good friends to be around all the time. It sure makes the hardships of life a little easier to handle. I love you all!
Sarah
Sheila
Sarah Day 13--
Reading mom's post for the day has really got me thinking. Not about the mistakes I have made, or the mistakes others have made. Not about the apologies I have never said, or the apologies that have never been said to me. It has instead got me thinking about all of the people I am thankful for, and the people I can't imagine my life without.
Part of growing up, is learning who you are as a person, and learning what you want for your life. As children and teenagers, we grow up KNOWING that our best friend from 5th grade will always be our best friend. Well, what do you know, 5 years later you're in 10th grade, and you and you're old best friend now have new best friends. Your values and interests have changed, and you have moved on.
I was that person growing up that had different best friends every couple of years. I didn't like that, and I didn't think it was fun. It was sad. I would rather have one best friend for my whole life and I envy the people who have that with someone, they are lucky! However, I accepted it. I have realized now that every time I made a new best friend, it was because our interests were similar. When my friendships fell apart, it was because we no longer had those similar interests. I would compare friendships, to relationships with significant others. A person does not stay with another person when they do not want the same thing. If one person is ready for marriage and the other is not, that's usually a deal breaker. Best friends do not stay best friends, when they no longer enjoy the same things. Growing up means changing, and that's not a bad thing . . . It's just difficult.
After high school, I had myself convinced that I did not need friends. I had Jesse and he was good enough. I do not take that statement back, he is good enough, but I still need my girls. Now that I have moved home, I have realized that having good friends is extremely important. Much more important than I have ever thought. I have re-connected with so many girls from high school, and we are now better friends than we have ever been before. Although, there is one particular friend of mine, that I have never been friends with until this year. Her name is Kate, or Sssssskate, as she calls herself.
Kate and I started working together around 2 months ago. She is one of the funniest people I have ever met. She and I are both convinced that she must have been black in her past life. We are really good at keeping each other entertained through our little chat messenger deal at work. I can't imagine not having her around, my job would be a little boring.
Yesterday, Kate was mad that the maintenance people took away her space heater. One thing you must know about Kate is that she is always cold! Our maintenance workers decided to take away the space heaters on first floor because they thought all of the heaters were causing the fuse to blow. They we wrong, even after the heaters were removed, the fuse still blew. Well obviously, Skate wanted her heater back, but nope. They were gone for good. RIP first floor space heaters.
Guilty me, felt bad that I was all snuggled up to my heater on the ground floor while Kate was freezing to death. For real, her world was ending. So this morning, I went to Walmart and picked up a desk size space heater for her. Surely, that will cause not cause the fuse to blow. I left the heater on her desk with a little note so when she got to work at 8:00 AM, it was on her desk. She loveeeeed it! Her exact word when she saw it, "DUDE!" Haha, glad I could "warm" up her day!
Friends seem to be something I am really thankful for, as I have said I am thankful for them before. I mean it though. This year has without a doubt, been the most difficult year of my life and I would not have made it through everything without them. Well actually, I probably would have, but it would have been much more challenging. I am a happier person now that I have good friends to be around all the time. It sure makes the hardships of life a little easier to handle. I love you all!
Sarah
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